向朋友學習
By Ken Korkow
一個近代的勵志演說家查理瓊斯曾經說：「從現在開始五年之後，你還是跟以前一樣，除非你讀更多的書或遇見更多的人。」先不討論書的部分，人生中遇見的人對我們有很大的影響。我自己就是一個例子。
唐教我對人要敞開心胸。我的家人會談工作，卻從未討論到關係或是感覺。參與越戰時，因為在海軍中經歷艱難的戰鬥，讓我學著把自己的感受壓得更深。我不相信人，也不會和別人分享自己的感受。神使用唐教導我說：「表達你的感受能帶來醫治。」他告訴我，只有神才能判斷我，所以我可以對人敞開心胸，不要太在乎別人怎麼看我。
布萊恩則教導我：「陪伴而不是去解決每個人的問題。」當我陷入想要自殺的低潮時，布萊恩盡一切的可能來幫助我：安靜陪著我工作直到我感覺困了，不需要思考，能直接躺到床上睡著為止。他也不會提及那些讓我困擾的事情。
在舊約約伯記中，約伯的朋友一開始也是如此，他們坐在破衣和灰燼中，禁食一個星期去同理約伯的痛苦，並沒有說無意義的話。雖然他們之後改變了，試圖要去解釋為什麼約伯會受到這樣的苦難。但一開始他們給約伯的就是不需要言語、沒有條件的友誼。
今天我另一個朋友不斷地提醒我:「安靜、出現、等待神的指示」。雷克斯曾經是南達科達州最大的農場主人，後來卻中風，現在從腰部以下都是癱瘓的。但是他並沒有期待別人的同情，他告訴其他身障的生意人：「每天一早，我都要決定是要喝酒、自殺或是看聖經？但我選擇看聖經。」
還有另外一個朋友喬，遇到了一些人生的難題，他卻表現出熱情、創新、對任何事親力親為以及適應不同文化的能力，因為他知道自己真正的身分是神的兒女。
這些人對我的人生有重大的影響力，也幫助我能一直堅持走在正道上。查理瓊斯也曾說過：「你和甚麼人在一起，就像甚麼人。你要做明智的抉擇！」感謝神，讓我有智慧選擇這些人當我的朋友。
人生來不是要獨自生活的。即使我們已經結婚了，還是需要一些能支持鼓勵我們，甚至是在必要的時候責備我們的朋友。如同箴言27章17節所說的：「鐵磨鐵，磨出刃來；朋友相感( – 原文是磨朋友的臉)也是如此。 」
另外一節經文更強調團隊合作能得大最好的果效：「兩個人總比一個人好，因為二人勞碌同得美好的果效。若是跌倒，這人可以扶起他的同伴；若是孤身跌倒，沒有別人扶起他來，這人就有禍了。再者，二人同睡就都暖和，一人獨睡怎能暖和呢？有人攻勝孤身一人，若有二人便能敵擋他；三股合成的繩子不容易折斷。」(傳道書4章9-12節)
Ken Korkow是美國內布拉斯加州奧哈瑪市的CBMC理事長，本文選自他的生命傳真專欄，經過授權得以刊登。
省思／討論題目
你都和甚麼樣的人交往？你的朋友對你有正面的影響,並且幫助你往人生的目標前進嗎？分享你的答案。 在本篇週一嗎哪中，作者提到許多影響他人生的朋友，你是否也有這樣的朋友？如果沒有，要如何尋找這樣的朋友？ 你覺得要過一個積極的人生，是否需要長期值得信賴的朋友？分享你的理由。 你覺得箴言說：「鐵磨鐵，磨出刃來； 朋友相感( – 原文是磨朋友的臉)也是如此。 」這句話是甚麼意思？
如果你手上有聖經，想要查考更多與這個主題相關的經文，請參考：馬可福音 6章7節； 使徒行傳13章1-3節；哥林多後書1章1節；帖撒羅尼迦前書1章1節 提摩太後書 2章2節
THE POWER OF LEARNING FROM OTHERS
By Ken Korkow
The late motivational speaker, Charlie “Tremendous” Jones,” used to say, “Five years from now you will be the same except for the books you read and the people you meet.” I do not intend to discuss books here, but can speak volumes about the impact of people we meet during our lifelong journey. Here are some examples from my own life:
Don taught me about transparency. I came from a family that talked about work, but never discussed relationships or feelings. Then intense combat as a Marine in the Vietnam War caused me to pull deeper into myself and not trust people or share openly with them. God used Don to teach me, as he would say, “You gotta feel it to heal it.” He taught me that only God is my Judge, so I could feel free to be open and transparent with others and not be concerned about what they thought of me.
Brian taught me about the virtues of “just being there and not trying to solve everyone's problems.” When I was trapped in a period of suicidal depression, Brian did the best things he possibly could have done: He showed up, shut up, and just worked alongside me until I was so physically worn out that I could sleep without thinking, without dwelling on the things that were troubling me.
In the Old Testament book of Job, Job”s friends at first did the same for him – they sat in sackcloth and ashes, went a week with no food to empathize with his pain, and chose not to engage in pointless conversation. That changed later, when they decided to try reasoning through why Job was enduring such suffering. But initially they offered what Job needed: unquestioning, unconditional friendship.
Today another friend, Rex, continues to teach me to shut up, show up, and just do the next “one thing” as the Lord directs. Rex was South Dakota's largest farmer until he had a spinal stroke; now he is paralyzed from the waist down. But he does not seek sympathy. As he told another disabled businessman, “Every day I wake up and have to decide: Is it going to be beer, a bullet, or the Bible?” His choice, Rex said, is the Bible.
Then there is Joe, an entrepreneur who had encountered very difficult life issues, yet shows enthusiasm, innovation, and an ability to roll up his sleeves and engage in a different culture because he operates from his true identity, the person he is in Christ.
Each of these men has had a profound impact on my life and helped keep me from veering too far off course. Another thing Charlie Jones often said was, “You are who you hang out with. Choose wisely!” Thankfully I had enough sense to choose wisely with these men.
This life is not intended to be lived alone. Even if we are happily married, there is a need for us to find trusted friends who will hold us accountable, encourage us…and rebuke us when necessary. As Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”
Another passage underscores the importance of teaming up with others for maximum effectiveness: Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!… Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).
Ken Korkow lives in Omaha, Nebraska, U.S.A., where he serves as an area director for CBMC. This is adapted from his “Fax of Life” column. Used with permission.
Reflection/Discussion Questions
Who do you “hang out” with? Are these individuals that have a positive influence and are helping you to move toward your life”s goals and dreams? Explain your answer. Specifically, what person or persons in your life would fill roles similar to those friends that Mr. Korkow describes? If you do not have someone in your life like this, how do you think you could go about finding them? Do you even agree that having consistent, trusted friends like these is necessary for living a rewarding life? Why or why not? What do you think the verse from Proverbs means when it says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another”?
NOTE: If you have a Bible and would like to read more about this subject, consider the following passages: Mark 6:7; Acts 13:1-3; 2 Corinthians 1:1; 1 Thessalonians 1:1; 2 Timothy 2:2
