管理口舌的藝術

By: Dr. Rick Warren
根據溝通專家的統計,若你是一般的工商專業人士,你:
每天平均與人交談30次。 生命中的20%將花在談話上。 一年說的話可寫成66本書,且每本書有800頁之多!每個男人平均每天說20,000個字。每個女人平均每天說30,000個字。(可能這可解釋為何有些丈夫晚上回家後無話可說,而他們的妻子還渴望交談:因為男人可能已在工作中用完了他每天20,000個字的配額,但妻子在工作中也同樣用了20,000個字,所以她的配額還有10,000個字可說!)

我們已成為一個說話者的世界。到處都有人講話:收音機的談話節目、電視的脫口秀、汽車電話、行動電話。問題是:你說得愈多,你惹麻煩的機會就愈大!

以下是聖經中有關「管理口舌」的一些簡單建議。

說話前先思考!在你開口前,先停一下來運用你的心思。「智慧人的心教訓他的口,又使他的嘴增長學問」(箴言16章23節)。「人口中所結的果子,必充滿肚腹;他嘴所出的,必使他飽足」(箴言18章20節)。

總是說實話。我們常常不說實話以避免衝突。我們不想「擾亂事情的順利進行」。然而,最後這做法使事情更糟。不誠實會破壞人際關係。「義人的舌乃似高銀;惡人的心所值無幾」(箴言10章20節)。

真正的朋友會誠實地對待你。「應對正直的,猶如與人親嘴」(箴言24章26節)。「責備人的,後來蒙人喜悅,多於那用舌頭諂媚人的」(箴言28章23節)。

用愛心說誠實話。這是上述第二點的過濾網。絕不要用實話當作棍棒打擊別人。「說話浮躁的,如刀刺人;智慧人的舌頭卻為醫人的良藥」(箴言12章18節)。「人心憂慮,屈而不伸;一句良言,使心歡樂」(箴言12章25節)。

說話幫人療傷,而非傷人。不小心說的話比打人身體所造成的傷害更長久。因此,我們必須小心使用言語,使言語產生正面、有益的結果。「污穢的言語一句不可出口,只要隨事說造就人的好話,叫聽見的人得益處」(以弗所書4章29節)。

最後,祈求上帝幫助管理你的口舌。我很喜歡詩篇141篇3節:「耶和華啊,求你禁止我的口,把守我的嘴!

本文版權屬於「標竿人生」。本文改編自華理克博士的專欄。他寫了許多書,包括廣受讚揚的「標竿人生」。這本書被翻譯成許多語言,並賣到全世界。這本書斷言,有一個經過你仔細考慮且清楚表達的目標去過每天的生活是重要的。這本書被認為是改變20世紀的100本基督教書籍之一。他也寫了「目標導向的教會」和「聖誕的目的」。

思想 / 討論題目

你會如何描述你自己--是多話的人或安靜的人?你認為本文所引述有關說話的統計數據正確嗎?若正確,那些數據告訴我們在每天說話時需要注意什麼? 回想一次你說的話對某人造成傷害。也想一次某人說的話傷了你。那些記憶激起你的心中什麼情緒? 看看本文作者從聖經中找到有關「口舌管理」的建議,哪一項對你似乎是最重要的?請解釋。 你認為你今天可以開始採取什麼步驟,使你在向別人說什麼話以及如何說話時更小心?註:若你有聖經且想要看有關此主題的其他經文,請看:
箴言10章19、32節,15章1、4、23節,17章9、28節,18章7-8、21節,21章23節,25章15節;雅各書3章3-12節

THE ART OF MANAGING YOUR MOUTH

By: Dr. Rick Warren

If you’re a typical business or professional person, according to communication experts, you:
Average 30 conversations a day. Will spend 20 percent of your life talking. Will speak enough words in one year to fill 66 books, each 800 pages in length!The average man speaks 20,000 words a day. The average woman speaks 30,000. (Maybe this explains why some husbands have nothing to say when they get home at night and their wives are so eager to converse: A man might have used up his daily allotment of 20,000 words at work, but his wife could do the same and still have 10,000 words remaining in her daily quota!)

We have become a world of talkers. Talk is everywhere: talk radio, TV talk shows, car phones, cell phones. The problem is this: The more you talk, the greater the odds are that your mouth will get you into trouble!

Here are some simple suggestions for “mouth management” from the Bible.

THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK! Pause and engage your mind before opening your mouth. “Intelligent people think before they speak. What they say is then more persuasive” (Proverbs 16:23). "You will have to live with the consequences of everything you say” (Proverbs 18:20).

ALWAYS SPEAK THE TRUTH. We often hold back the truth to avoid conflict. We do not want to “rock the boat.” Eventually, however, this approach makes things worse. Dishonesty destroys relationships. “Someone who holds back the truth causes trouble" (Proverbs10:20).

A real friend will be honest with you. "An honest answer is the sign of a true friendship" (Proverbs 24:26). “In the end, people appreciate frankness more than flattery" (Proverbs 28:23).

SPEAK THE TRUTH WITH LOVE. This is the filter for the second point above. Never use truth as a club to batter people. “Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as a sword, but wisely spoken words can heal" (Proverbs 12:18). "A word of encouragement does wonders!" (Proverbs 12:25).

SPEAK TO HEAL, NOT TO WOUND. With careless words often we can cause more long-term injury than striking someone physically. For that reason, we must be careful to use words that will produce a positive, beneficial result. “Do not let any unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).

And finally, ASK GOD FOR HELP IN MANAGING YOUR MOUTH. I love the Living Bible translation of Psalm 141:3,"Help me Lord, to keep my mouth shut!"

© 2010, Purpose Driven Life. All rights reserved. Adapted from a column by Dr. Rick Warren, the author of numerous books, including the highly acclaimed, The Purpose-Drive Life, which has been translated into many languages and sold throughout the world. It affirms the importance of having a carefully considered, clearly expressed purpose to guide everyday life. It has been named one of the 100 Christian books that changed the 20th Century. He also has written The Purpose-Driven Church and The Purpose of Christmas.

Reflection/Discussion Questions
How would you describe yourself – as a talkative person or a quiet person? Do you think the statistics cited about talking and spoken words are accurate? And if so, what does that tell us about our need to be aware of the things we say during the course of a typical day? Think of a time you can recall when you inflicted injury to someone by something that you said. Also think of a time when someone said something that was hurtful to you. What emotions are stirred in your heart and mind by those memories? Looking at Dr. Warren”s suggestions for “mouth management” from the Bible, which seem most important to you? Explain your answer. What steps do you think you could start taking today to be more careful about what you say to other people – and how you say it?NOTE: If you have a Bible, consider these other passages that relate to this topic:
Proverbs 10:19,32, 15:1,4,23, 17:9,28, 18:7-8,21, 21:23, 25:15; James 3:3-12

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