你如何處理自己的憤怒？

有時不合理的最後期限和工作壓力會點燃我們的怒火。沒達到目標和不實際的期待也能讓我們生氣。和同事之間的衝突，特別是那些個性與我們不合的人，會激發我們的怒氣。我們會把家裡的衝突帶到工作場所，或從工作場所帶到我們的家中，導致意外且不合理地生氣。我們有些人會讓怒氣在內心裡沸騰，只等一個藉口去爆發。

在大多數的狀況中，失控地表達憤怒是有害的，那造成的損害很難修復。所以我們要如何處理怒氣？當有人撞到我們的情緒桶，憤怒要開始溢出時，我們能做什麼？

最近我讀到一個故事說到，有一位商人認為自己已成功地贏得一個大合約。這個交易會是他公司有史以來最大的一筆，會讓他部門的生產量達到前所未有的高點。遺憾的是，在正式簽約前，那客戶改變主意，選擇與另一家公司合作。

當然，那位主管非常失望。事實上，他不僅是失望。他內心的憤怒在沸騰，而且想要衝進那違背諾言客戶的總部。若他憤怒的想法是子彈，許多人都會受傷。

然而，在衝動行事之前，他花了一些時間冷靜下來，最後決定保持沉默。他的理智讓他知道，雖然強烈地展現情緒會覺得痛快，但並不會得到什麼好處。因為憤怒很容易四處蔓延，所以聖經也談了許多有關憤怒的事。以下只是少數例子：

想辦法迅速解決不合。衝突是正常的，但若我們允許憤怒的感覺翻騰、悶燒，紛爭的程度就會上升。「生氣卻不要犯罪；不可含怒到日落」（以弗所書4章26節）。

不讓憤怒變成苦毒。意見不同通常能解決，但懷著憤怒的感覺會導致苦毒，而苦毒會破壞人際關係。「一切苦毒、惱恨、忿怒、嚷鬧、毀謗，並一切的惡毒，都當從你們中間除掉」（以弗所書4章31節）。

傾聽，而不是說話，能敉平憤怒的爆發。保持沉默並傾聽通常有幫助，而不是被惹得快速地以憤怒回應。有時我們生氣，只因為沒有適當地了解別人在說什麼。即使我們的意見仍然不同，冷靜地討論差異比展現憤怒更有果效。「你們各人要快快地聽，慢慢地說，慢慢地動怒，因為人的怒氣並不成就　神的義」（雅各書1章19-20節）。

勞勃．泰默西是領袖資產協會的傳播部副部長，這是一個總部在美國喬治亞州亞特蘭大的非營利組織。他也是一個有40年經驗的退休新聞工作者。他寫過一本書「最佳狀態的商業：箴言給今日職場的歷久彌新智慧」（Business At Its Best: Timeless Wisdom from Proverbs for Today”s Workplace）。他也與David A. Stoddard合著一本書「導師之心」（The Heart of Mentoring）。要了解更多資訊, 可上網www.leaderslegacy.com 或上他的部落格www.bobtamasy.blogspot.com以及www.bobtamasy.wordpress.com 。

Sometimes unreasonable deadlines and work pressures spark anger. Unfulfilled goals and unrealized expectations can leave us feeling angry. Conflicts with colleagues and coworkers, especially those having personalities that do not mesh with our own, can arouse our ire. We carry conflict from home to work, or from work to our homes, leading to unexpected and often unjustified displays of anger. Some of us have grown up with anger boiling inside of us, just waiting for an excuse to explode.

In most instances, uncontrolled expressions of anger are detrimental, causing damage that proves difficult to repair. So how do we handle it? When someone bumps our emotional bucket and anger starts to spill out, what can we do?

Recently I was reading a story about a businessman who thought he had succeeded in being awarded a major contract. This transaction deal would have been the largest in his company”s history, taking his department”s production to unprecedented heights. Unfortunately, before the agreement was formalized the potential clients had a change of heart and elected to work with another company instead.

Understandably, the business executive was extremely disappointed. In fact, he became more than that. He boiled with anger and considered storming into the headquarters of the client that had reneged on the deal. He would inform anyone and everyone how wrongfully his company had been treated. If his angry thoughts had been bullets, a lot of people would have been wounded.

Before acting on this impulse, however, he took some time to calm down and ultimately decided to remain silent. He reasoned that although a strong display of emotion would feel cathartic, it would gain nothing. Since anger is so pervasive, the Bible has much to say about it. Here are just a few examples:

Seek to resolve disagreements promptly. Conflict is normal, but if we allow angry feelings to seethe and simmer, the magnitude of the dispute can escalate far beyond what is warranted. “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry…” (Ephesians 4:26).

Do not let anger turn into bitterness. Disagreements usually can be resolved, but harboring angry feelings can lead to bitterness that damages, even destroys relationships. “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice” (Ephesians 4:31).

Listening, rather than speaking, can quell angry outbursts. It often helps to keep silent and listen, rather than quickly responding angrily when provoked. Sometimes we become angry simply because we fail to properly understand what someone is saying. Even if we still disagree, calmly discussing differences is more productive than angry demonstrations. “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man”s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires” (James 1:19-20).

Robert J. Tamasy is vice president of communications for Leaders Legacy, Inc., a non-profit organization based in Atlanta, Georgia, U.S.A. A veteran journalist, he has written Tufting Legacies (iUniverse); Business At Its Best: Timeless Wisdom from Proverbs for Today”s Workplace (River City Press); and has coauthored with David A. Stoddard, The Heart of Mentoring (NavPress). For more information, see www.leaderslegacy.com or his blogs, www.bobtamasy.blogspot.com and www.bobtamasy.wordpress.com.