不用言語所說的事—THE THINGS WE SAY WITHOUT USING WORDS
我在大學教導商業溝通時討論到一個重要的原則是，只有7%的溝通是言語，其他93%是非言語，包括眼光的接觸、臉部的表情、身體的語言、手的移動和音調。
即使我們安排辦公室傢俱的方式，也傳達出我們心中想說的話。如諺語說：「行為的聲音比言語還大。」
麥克斯．狄皮瑞是一位著名的作家，也是有成就的企業主管。關於這個主題他曾說：「不論領袖是否清楚說出個人的理念，他們的行為一定表達出個人的價值觀與信念。我們建立並維持人際關係的方式、我們安排的環境、我們公司所提供的產品與服務－－這些都顯露出我們是怎麼樣的人。」
幾十年來，公司都會定下他們的使命和願景，把他們的目標、期望和價值觀以文字呈現。然而這些文件常常在印刷好，發送過後，就被歸檔在一個抽屜裡，然後就被遺忘。我曾經提供過諮詢的兩家企業不只採用明確的使命、願景和價值宣言，他們的領導者還將那些宣言顯著地掛在牆上，以便不斷地提醒他們的員工－－和他們自己。
但比將這些宣言掛在顯眼之處更重要的是，那些領導團隊堅決地把他們宣稱的原則與價值觀實行出來。當我與這兩個企業的員工、離職員工及客戶談話時，他們都承認這兩家公司確實主動積極並努力地活出他們的信念。
這讓我印象深刻。如另一諺語所說：「大話人人會說。」我們很容易說自己相信某件事，但要付諸行動就很困難，尤其當妥協似乎比較方便時。聖經有許多經文也談到言行如一的重要性。以下是一些例子：
我們的話語－－不論好壞－－都會傳到別人那裡。在每天生意上的束縛和壓力下，很容易衝動和生氣地說話。我們應該學習衡量我們的話語並慎重地使用話語，因為我們身為領袖所說的話會傳到別人那裡。「你在許多見證人面前聽見我所教訓的，也要交託那忠心能教導別人的人」（提摩太後書2章2節）。
若我們是有效能的領袖，我們的跟隨者會效法我們的言語和行為。不論我們是否喜歡，我們會被別人注視。我們就是別人跟隨的典範。「做我所說的，不要做我所做的」這個藉口對領袖完全不適用。「你們在我身上所學習的，所領受的，所聽見的，所看見的，這些事你們都要去行，賜平安的神就必與你們同在」（腓立比書4章9節）。
想成為領袖就要能符合高標準。聖經定下教會領袖的條件，那些模範行為的原則也以同樣適用於工商專業界。「人若想要得監督的職分，就是羨慕善工…作監督的，必須無可指責…有節制，自守，端正…」（提摩太前書3章1-8節）。
若你要成為一個領袖，你就有責任確認自己是「言行如一」。
思想 / 討論題目
你是否知道有很高比例的正式溝通都用非言語的方式，甚至不必說一句話？這個事實對你有何意義－－不論在社交或工作場合？ 想出一些你每天觀察到的非言語溝通方式。你認為這些方式會加強或減低它們所傳達的訊息？ 每天的工作中，你是否言行如一？你認為自己需要做什麼改變，以確保自己的非言語溝通方式（行為）與你所說的不牴觸？ 你是否同意聖經新約提摩太前書3章1-8節所定的高標準？為什麼？（將段經文與提多書2章1-8節作比較）。註：若你有聖經且想要看有關此主題的其他經文，請看：
創世記39章2-6節；約書亞記1章6-9節；；箴言13章16節；馬太福音4章18-22節；提多書1章6-9節
THE THINGS WE SAY WITHOUT USING WORDS
By: Robert J. Tamasy
A key principle we discuss in the college course I teach on business communications is only seven percent of all communication is verbal. The remaining 93 percent is non-verbal, including eye contact, facial expressions, body language, hand movements and voice tones.
Even the way we arrange furniture in our offices speaks volumes about us. As the adage reminds us, “Actions speak louder than words.”
Max DePree, a noted author and accomplished business executive, commented on this truth when he said, “Whether leaders articulate a personal philosophy or not, their behavior surely expresses a personal set of values and beliefs. The way we build and hold our relationships, the physical settings we produce, the products and services our organizations provide, the way in which we communicate – all of these things reveal who we are.”
For decades it has been a common practice for companies to draft mission and vision statements to put their goals, expectations and values in writing. Too often, however, these documents are printed, distributed, and then conveniently filed in a drawer and forgotten. Two businesses I have been consulting with, however, have not only adopted clear-cut mission, vision and values statements, but the leaders also have chosen to display them prominently on their walls as continual reminders to their employees – and themselves.
But even more important than placing these statements in plain sight is the fact that these leadership teams insist on carrying out the principles and values they profess. As I have talked with employees, former staff members and customers, all have confirmed that these companies actively and aggressively strive to live their convictions.
This impresses me because, as another adage affirms, “Talk is cheap.” It is easy to say you believe something, but much harder to back it up with our actions – especially when compromise would seem more expedient. The Bible has many passages that address the importance of aligning our words and actions. Here are examples:
Our words – good and bad – will be communicated to others. Under the stress and duress of deadlines and everyday business pressures, it is easy to speak in haste, as well as in anger. We should learn to measure our words and use them with discretion, realizing what we say as leaders will be passed along to other people. “And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others” (2 Timothy 2:2).
If we are effective leaders, those who follow us will emulate both our words and our actions. Like it or not, we are being watched. We are setting an example for others to follow. The excuse, “Do as I say, not as I do,” is completely invalid for those in leadership. “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put into practice” (Philippians 4:9).
Aspiring to leadership involves being able to meet high standards and qualifications. The Bible establishes standards for leaders in the church, but the same principles for exemplary behavior can be applied to those in the business and professional world. “…If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task. Now the overseer must be above reproach…temperate, self-controlled, respectable…” (1 Timothy 3:1-8).
If you want to be a leader, you have an obligation to make certain that your “walk equals your talk.”
Robert J. Tamasy is vice president of communications for Leaders Legacy, Inc., a non-profit corporation based in Atlanta, Georgia, U.S.A. A veteran of 38 years in professional journalism, he is the author of Business At Its Best: Timeless Wisdom from Proverbs for Today”s Workplace and has coauthored with David A. Stoddard, The Heart of Mentoring: 10 Proven Principles for Developing People to Their Fullest Potential. For more information, see www.leaderslegacy.com or www.bobtamasy.blogspot.com.
Reflection/Discussion Questions
1. Were you aware that such a high percentage of formal communication occurs non-verbally, even without words being exchanged? What is the significance of this reality for you – regardless of the social or professional setting?
2. Think of examples of non-verbal communication that you observe or practice on a daily basis. When you think of these, do they enhance or detract from the messages being communicated?
3. How well do you think your words and actions align during a typical work day? What changes, if any, do you think you might need to make to ensure that your non-verbal communication does not contradict what you say?
4. Do you agree with the high standards of standards presented in 1 Timothy 1:3-8 of the Bible”s New Testament? Why or why not? (Compare that passage with Titus 2:1-8.)
NOTE: If you have a Bible and would like to review some other passages that relate to this topic, consider the following verses: Genesis 39:2-6; Joshua 1:6-9; Proverbs 13:16; Matthew 4:18-22; Titus 1:6-9
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