讓帶領門徒為你留下人生的記號(上)
By Robert J. Tamasy
「我想要有所作為！」你是否曾在公共場合或是私底下對自己這樣宣告過？無論在工作上你是屬於戰後嬰兒潮一代，還是剛剛開始在工作的千禧一代，這都是我們很多人共同的願望。
問題是，我們要如何做到「有所作為」？在工作完成後能建立有永恆價值的記號？
有很多種方法可以有所作為，我強烈推薦其中的一項「帶門徒」。聽到這裡，我知道有些人會說：「我曾經找過小組長帶我，那真是一次可怕的經驗！」大概是因為很多人在聚會時被分配到的小組長對我們沒有真正的興趣，只是把它當成被強加的任務，以至於我們有不好的經驗。
但是，在這裡我說的「帶門徒」是一種互惠互利的關係：兩人一起尋求成長並建立彼此的生活。當大衛．斯托達德(David A. Stoddard)和我共同撰寫「指導的核心：發展人們最高潛能的十大原則」(Ten Proven Principles for Developing People to Their Fullest Potential註1.)時，我們也從大衛兩位出色的導師身上學到很多經驗。他們花很多時間在大衛身上，傾聽、教導和塑造他，教導他甚麼是在商業和生活中成功的意義。
大衛在他的人生歲月裡，在其他幾十個人的身上重複了這樣的帶領超過30年。他五年前二月去世了，但他的影響力：帶門徒所留下的記號，直到今天仍然留在許多人的身上。
帶領門徒是什麼？以下是我們在書中引用的一些原則，以及背後的聖經基礎：
生活就是給予。很多時候，帶領門徒需要從「對我來說有什麼幫助」的角度來看。最有效的門徒帶領就是關注被指導者的最大利益，我們稱門徒為「夥伴」，希望幫助他發揮最大的潛能。「…又當記念主耶穌的話，說：「施比受更為有福。」（使徒行傳20章35節）。」
指導是一個需要堅持不懈的過程。花時間在需要幫助的人身上有時會感到沮喪，特別是當我們看不到期望的進展時。這就是為什麼堅持不懈是必要的，即使在沒有達到期望的情況下也要堅持並繼續努力。「我們行善，不可喪志；若不灰心，到了時候就要收成。」（加拉太書6章9節）。
有果效的導師會向自己帶領的人開放自我。沒有什麼比對一個人透明，甚至展現脆弱更能建立信任的關係了。因為我們對別人開放，對自己的掙扎誠實，這讓別人有信心向我們開放。「我們既是這樣愛你們，不但願意將 神的福音給你們，連自己的性命也願意給你們，因你們是我們所疼愛的。」（帖撒羅尼迦前書2章8節）。
我會在下一次週一嗎哪中繼續討論帶領門徒的一些其他原則。
註1:此書台灣沒有翻譯出版，但網路書店可以買到原文書籍。
反省/討論問題
你是否渴望在這個世上有所作為，至少在你身處的世界，有自己獨特的影響力？如果是，目前你已經成就了多少？ 當你聽到「帶門徒」(mentoring)這個字的時候，會聯想到甚麼？ 如果帶領一個人改變不是一個被指派的任務，或是一種必須要做的責任，而是一種自願的「互利關係」，你對「帶門徒」有甚麼看法？ 帶領門徒的過程在那些方面來說是給予而不是接受？
注意：如果你手上有聖經，希望閱讀更多和這個主題相關的原則，請考慮以下的經文：
以賽亞書43章4節
因我看你為寶為尊；又因我愛你，所以我使人代替你，使列邦人替換你的生命。
腓立比書2章3-4節
2:3 凡事不可結黨，不可貪圖虛浮的榮耀；只要存心謙卑，各人看別人比自己強。2:4 各人不要單顧自己的事，也要顧別人的事。
帖撒羅尼迦前書2章6-9節
2:6 我們作基督的使徒，雖然可以叫人尊重，卻沒有向你們或向別人求榮耀；
2:7 只在你們中間存心溫柔，如同母親乳養自己的孩子。
2:8 我們既是這樣愛你們，不但願意將 神的福音給你們，連自己的性命也願意給你們，因你們是我們所疼愛的。
2:9 弟兄們，你們記念我們的辛苦勞碌，晝夜做工，傳 神的福音給你們，免得叫你們一人受累。
撒羅尼迦前書2章11-12節
2:11 你們也曉得，我們怎樣勸勉你們，安慰你們，囑咐你們各人，好像父親待自己的兒女一樣，
2:12 要叫你們行事對得起那召你們進他國、得他榮耀的 神。
MAKING YOUR MARK THROUGH MENTORING, Part 1
By Robert J. Tamasy
“I want to make a difference.” Have you ever made this statement? It is a thought many of us have expressed, whether in public or at least to ourselves. Whether you are a Baby Boom generation member on the back end of your career, or a Millennial just getting a start in the workplace, this is a desire many of us share.
The question is, how do we make that difference? How can we succeed in making a mark that will endure long after our working days have ended?
There are many possible suggestions, but there is one I would highly recommend: Mentoring. I know, you might have an objection, saying something like, “I had a mentor once – a terrible experience!” That is not the kind of mentoring I”m talking about. Many of us have had a bad experience in which a mentor was assigned to us, had no genuine interest in us, and viewed being a mentor as an imposed assignment.
No, the kind of mentoring I mean involves a mutually beneficial relationship, two people on a journey together seeking to grow and build into one another”s lives. When David A. Stoddard and I co-authored The Heart of Mentoring: Ten Proven Principles for Developing People to Their Fullest Potential, we were drawing from Dave”s experience of having two wonderful mentors who invested much of themselves into him, listening and teaching and modeling what it meant to be successful in business – and in life.
Dave went on to replicate that mentoring process in the lives of dozens of other men for more than 30 years. He passed away five years ago this month, but his impact – the mark he made through mentoring others – continues to this day through many of those individuals.
What does that kind of mentoring look like? Here are a few of the principles we cited in our book, along with biblical precepts that undergird those principles:
Living is about giving. Too often, mentoring is viewed through a “what”s in it for me” lens. The most effective mentoring is done focused on the best interests of the person being mentored, whom we termed the “mentoring partner.” We want to help him or her become all they can possibly be. “…remembering the words of the Lord Jesus Himself: “It is more blessed to give than to receive”” (Acts 20:35).
Mentoring is a process that requires perseverance. Spending time with someone who needs our help at times can be frustrating or discouraging, especially when we fail to see the progress we had hoped for. That is why perseverance is necessary, pressing on and remaining committed to the mentor even when expectations are not met. “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9).
Effective mentors open their world to their mentoring partners. Nothing builds trust more than being transparent, even totally vulnerable, to the other person. As we are open to others, honest with our own struggles, that gives them confidence to become open with us. “We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well” (1 Thessalonians 2:8).
I will take a look at some of the other principles from The Heart of Mentoring in the next “Monday Manna.”
© 2019. Robert J. Tamasy has written Business at Its Best: Timeless Wisdom from Proverbs for Today”s Workplace; Tufting Legacies; coauthored with David A. Stoddard, The Heart of Mentoring, and edited numerous other books, including Advancing Through Adversity by Mike Landry. Bob”s biweekly blog is: www.bobtamasy.blogspot.com.
Reflection/Discussion Questions
Do you have a desire to make a difference in the world, at least in the world around you, your unique sphere of influence? If so, how well are you succeeding at doing that? When you hear the term “mentoring,” what comes to your mind? How might your thinking about mentoring change if it were presented not as a task, or an required assignment, but as a voluntary, “mutually beneficial relationship”? In what ways can you envision the process of mentoring being one that emphasizes giving rather than receiving?
NOTE: If you have a Bible and would like to read more about principles it presents, consider the following passages:
Isaiah 43:4; Philippians 2:3-4; 1 Thessalonians 2:6-9, 11-12
