當別人達不到我們的期待時
By Ken Korkow
你是否曾經對某人感到失望、沮喪、或是生氣過？
前段時間，我很努力的在幫助一位正在痛苦掙扎中的人-他曾經是個成功的工商人，但現在情況非常糟糕。支票跳票、債權人來討債、婚姻快不行了。最重要的是，他戒酒和戒藥癮都失敗了，現在的他更因為喝的爛醉而入院。
這幾個月來我們為了一項共同投資的事，碰面過很多次。對我來說這是一項非常糟糕的投資。我對他很生氣 ，也對自己很生氣 ，因為我盡「最大努力」卻沒有產生任何明顯或積極的影響。為什麼這個傢伙就是不聽我提供給他的建議呢？
我試圖說服他：如果他停止抗拒，我的建議可以幫助改變他的生活。然後，他也教了我一課。他說：他也要告訴我一個非常重要寶貴的人生功課：
“如果你的快樂取決於別人有沒有達到你的期望，那麼你注定會過著不快樂的生活。“
哇！即使他有一大堆問題，這位朋友也曾短暫地成為我的老師。他的見解是我永遠不會忘記的。當我尋求建議，指導和指導別人過更美好的生活時，這句話對我如何和人相處產生了深遠的影響 。人和人之間關係的連結最好的是建立在耶穌基督的引導上。
你呢？你遇到過這位朋友說的這種情況嗎？你的快樂和不快樂的根基是什麼？是否來自其它人?他們有沒有跟你期待的一樣？正如我那位困頓卻又聰明的朋友觀察到的:”人們總是無法達成我們的期待。”
如果你正陷入這個陷阱，不要感到不舒服。你有很多夥伴，包括重要的聖經人物。在使徒行傳第15章中，我們讀到了使徒保羅和他的導師巴拿巴，他在巴拿巴的侄子馬可身上摔了一跤。馬可也叫約翰，因為在早期的佈道旅程中他選擇放棄並離開，使徒保羅認為他是個不夠忠實的人，不應該在未來的旅行中再次的加入他們。馬可顯然沒有達到保羅的期望。
然而，巴拿巴在他的年輕親戚身上看到了潛力，他違背大眾的觀點( 正如他多年前信主之後與掃羅（保羅）相遇一樣)，巴拿巴決定留下馬可並鼓勵他進行他的屬靈的旅程。多年以後，保羅沒有提到巴拿巴，但寫信給他的門徒提摩太「…你來的時候，要把馬可帶來，因為他在傳道（或譯：服事我）的事上於我有益處。」（提摩太後書4章11節）。不僅如此，這個馬可是馬可福音的作者。
這教給我們兩件事：第一，即使人們沒有達到我們的期望，這並不意味著上帝已經完成了祂在他們的身上的旨意。也許我們已經完成了在他們身上所能做的一切，但主會帶領這些人在個人旅程中走得更遠。第二，我們的期望不應該建立在人身上，而應該在上帝身上。正如尼希米記8章10節告訴我們的那樣，「你們不要憂愁，因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。」
Ken Korkow住在美國的內布拉斯加州歐馬哈市，是當地CBMC的會長。這篇文章經授權，節錄自他的所寫的「生命傳真」專欄。
反省與問題討論
你是否曾經因為別人沒有達到你的期望而對他感到失望、沮喪或生氣？請描述一下當時的情況以及你當時的反應。 你還記得你達不到別人期望的經驗嗎？當時你是不是感到很糟糕，還是你覺得是他們要求太多了？ 你是否同意這樣的說法：如果我們的幸福取決於別人是否滿足我們的期待，那麼我們注定會過著不快樂的生活？請分享你的看法。 你是否同意「不要期望別人成為你幸福的源泉」，而要相信「主的喜樂是你的力量」？
備註：如果你手上有聖經，想要閱讀更多關於和這個主題相關的經文請參考：
詩篇 100篇1-5節
100:1 普天下當向耶和華歡呼！
100:2 你們當樂意事奉耶和華，當來向他歌唱！
100:3 你們當曉得耶和華是 神！我們是他造的，也是屬他的；我們是他的民，也是他草場的羊。
100:4 當稱謝進入他的門；當讚美進入他的院。當感謝他，稱頌他的名！
100:5 因為耶和華本為善。他的慈愛存到永遠；他的信實直到萬代。
腓立比書1章3-11節
1:3 我每逢想念你們，就感謝我的 神；
1:4 每逢為你們眾人祈求的時候，常是歡歡喜喜地祈求。
1:5 因為從頭一天直到如今，你們是同心合意地興旺福音。
1:6 我深信那在你們心裏動了善工的，必成全這工，直到耶穌基督的日子。
1:7 我為你們眾人有這樣的意念，原是應當的；因你們常在我心裏，無論我是在捆鎖之中，是辯明證實福音的時候，你們都與我一同得恩。
1:8 我體會基督耶穌的心腸，切切地想念你們眾人；這是 神可以給我作見證的。
1:9 我所禱告的，就是要你們的愛心在知識和各樣見識上多而又多，
1:10 使你們能分別是非（或譯：喜愛那美好的事），作誠實無過的人，直到基督的日子；
1:11 並靠著耶穌基督結滿了仁義的果子，叫榮耀稱讚歸與 神。
腓立比書4章4、8-9節
4:4 你們要靠主常常喜樂。我再說，你們要喜樂。
4:8 弟兄們，我還有未盡的話：凡是真實的、可敬的、公義的、清潔的、可愛的、有美名的，若有甚麼德行，若有甚麼稱讚，這些事你們都要思念。
4:9 你們在我身上所學習的，所領受的，所聽見的，所看見的，這些事你們都要去行，賜平安的 神就必與你們同在。
帖撒羅尼迦前書1章2-3節
1:2 我們為你們眾人常常感謝 神，禱告的時候提到你們，
1:3 在 神─我們的父面前，不住地記念你們因信心所做的工夫，因愛心所受的勞苦，因盼望我們主耶穌基督所存的忍耐。
帖撒羅尼迦後書 1章3-4節
1:3 弟兄們，我們該為你們常常感謝 神，這本是合宜的；因你們的信心格外增長，並且你們眾人彼此相愛的心也都充足。
1:4 甚至我們在 神的各教會裏為你們誇口，都因你們在所受的一切逼迫患難中，仍舊存忍耐和信心
WHEN OTHERS DO NOT MEET OUR EXPECTATIONS
By Ken Korkow
Do you ever get disappointed with someone? Frustrated? Or angry?
Some time ago I was trying to help a man in midst of great personal struggles. His once-successful business was a mess. His checks were bouncing and he had many creditors coming after him. His marriage was ending. And topping it off, he had just failed an alcohol and chemical abuse rehabilitation program, and was now in the hospital because of his “binge” drinking.
We had been meeting for months, but increasingly it seemed like the time had been a poor investment on my part. I was mad at him – and mad at myself – because my “best efforts” were not resulting in any visible or positive impact. Why would this guy not listen to the wisdom I had to offer to him?
I was trying to teach him, convinced that if he would stop resisting, my counsel could help in turning his life around. Then, in the midst of my “teaching,” he taught me. He provided an important, very valuable life lesson when he said:
"If your happiness is dependent upon your ability to get someone to meet your level of expectations, then you are destined to a life of unhappiness."
Wow! Even with all of his problems, this friend had briefly become the teacher and I the student. This insight is one I have never forgotten, and it has made a profound difference in how I approach others as I seek to counsel, mentor and point them to a better life – ultimately, one guided by a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.
What about you? Can you relate to this situation I experienced? What is the source of your happiness and/or unhappiness? Is it dependent on other people, especially to meet your level of expectations for them? As my troubled yet wise friend observed, people will always fail us in meeting the expectations we create for them.
But if you have fallen into this trap, don”t feel badly. You have lots of company, including important biblical personalities. In the 15th chapter of the book of Acts, we read the apostle Paul and his mentor, Barnabas, had a falling out over Barnabas”s nephew, Mark, also called John. Because Mark had abandoned them on an earlier missionary expedition, Paul had decided he was not a faithful man and should not rejoin them on future travels. Mark had clearly not met Paul”s expectations.
Barnabas, however, saw potential in his young relative. Going counter to popular opinion – as he had with Saul (Paul) after his conversion many years earlier – Barnabas determined to stay with Mark and encourage him in his spiritual journey. Years later, Paul makes no mention of Barnabas but writes to his protégé, Timothy, “Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry” (2 Timothy 4:11). Not only that, but this Mark is credited with being the author of the gospel of Mark.
This teaches us two things: First, even when people do fail to meet our expectations for them, this does not mean God is finished working with them. Perhaps we have done all we can do in their lives, and the Lord will bring others alongside to help them move farther along in their personal journey. And second, our expectations should not be in people, but in God alone. As Nehemiah 8:10 tells us, "…Don't be dejected and sad, for the joy of the LORD is your strength!”
Ken Korkow lives in Omaha, Nebraska, U.S.A., where he serves as an area director for CBMC. This is adapted from his “Fax of Life” column. Used with permission.
Reflection/Discussion Questions
How did you answer the question – have you ever been disappointed with someone, frustrated or angry because they did not meet your expectations? Describe a situation like that and how you reacted to them. Can you remember a time when you failed to meet someone else”s expectations? What was your response – did that make you feel badly, or did you fault them for expecting too much of you? Do you agree with the statement that if our happiness is dependent upon our ability to get someone to meet our level of expectations, then we are destined to a life of unhappiness? Why or why not? What are your thoughts about the final statement, that instead of expecting others to be the source of your happiness, “the joy of the Lord is your strength”?
NOTE: If you have a Bible and would like to read more about this subject, consider the following passages: Psalm 100:1-5; Philippians 1:3-11, 4:4,8-9; 1 Thessalonians 1:2-3; 2 Thessalonians 1:3-4
