你的存入是否超過提領?

By Robert J. Tamasy

收入與支出。貸方與借方。資產與負債。存入與提領。這些詞彙都被用來衡量工商專業界的損益。若你能使收入大於支出,在貸方累積得比借方多,擁有的資產多於負債,你公司的狀況大概就很好。

存入與提領一般是作為銀行用語,但它們也可被用在人際關係上,不論在家中或職場。我們每人都有心理學家所說的「情緒筒」,當那「筒子」是滿的,我們就覺得滿足且輕鬆;但當筒子空了,我們就覺得不滿足且有壓力。

有許多方式可以存入一個人的情緒倉庫,例如給予時間與注意。有時一個適宜且關心的碰觸也有幫助。但充滿另一個人的情緒筒的最好方式之一是透過適時並謹慎使用的話語。然而,不合時宜且不小心說的話就很容易減少情緒筒的存量。

以上兩種方式的老闆我都碰過。有一個老闆很會鼓勵我,尤其在是當我無法達到他的期望和我自己的期待時。他總有方法向我保證:「你下次一定做得更好。」然而,另一個老闆很少向我說肯定的話。他曾對我說:「若你不聽我的話,沒有一件事會做對。」但問題在於每次事情出錯都是因為我聽了他的話。

每個人對情緒支持和肯定的需求不一樣,但當我們面對生活中的負面情況時都會感激別人給予的正面話語。在過去的「週一嗎哪」中我們已討論過舌頭的力量與影響--不論是正面或負面--我們定期探討職場關係的這個層面是有幫助的。我們尤其要思想聖經--萬古常新的「商業手冊」--給我們的一些真知灼見:

造就而不要拆毀。在壓力下,很容易找別人的錯誤,比較不容易給予稱讚。但好領袖的特色是要能培養並造就屬下,裝備他們能迎接更大的挑戰。要做到這一點,我們需要學習「看到別人做對的事」。「污穢的言語一句不可出口,只要隨事說造就人的好話,叫聽見的人得益處」(以弗所書4章29節)。

努力去鼓勵人,而不使人氣餒。幾年前有一個非營利機構考慮要雇用我,當時我的資歷相當生嫩。我缺乏寶貴的經驗,但評估候選人的那些主管認為我是「粗礦中的鑽石」,認為我是值得投資的人。當我被雇用後,我的上司們就是從這個觀點來教導我、對待我,後來他們也覺得我不辜負他們的信任。「生死在舌頭的權下,喜愛他的,必吃他所結的果子」(箴言18章21節)。

以柔和回應人,而不是憤怒。在面對最後期限,或工作中的困難時,我們可能不經思考說出苛刻的話傷害別人。但若我們運用耐心和憐憫,就可以把緊張的情況變成一個正面、教導式的狀況。「回答柔和,使怒消退;言語暴戾,觸動怒氣」(箴言15章1節)。

勞勃.泰默西是領袖資產協會的交通部副部長,這是一個總部在美國喬治亞州亞特蘭大的非營利組織。他也是一個有40年經驗的退休新聞工作者。他寫過一本書「最佳狀態的商業:箴言給今日職場的歷久彌新智慧」(Business At Its Best: Timeless Wisdom from Proverbs for Today”s Workplace)。他也與David A. Stoddard合著一本書「導師之心」(The Heart of Mentoring)。要了解更多資訊, 可上網www.leaderslegacy.com 或上他的部落格www.bobtamasy.blogspot.com 。

思想 / 討論題目
請描述你自己「情緒筒」現在的狀態。它是滿的或快滿,或者到達危險的耗盡狀態?請解釋。 你是否善於存入別人的「情緒筒」?你是否認為這是你應該關心的事?為什麼? 請回想有一次你覺得沮喪或洩氣,不論在工作中或個人生活中,然而某人的良言讓你振作起來? 當時是什麼情況?那讓你有何感覺? 你覺得人們有可能說出「誠實但殘酷的話」的嗎?請想一個方式去提供建設性的批評,而不嚴重地傷害別人的自尊心。若你想出一個像那樣的情況,請說出一個可以鼓勵人的方式,以及另一個使人氣餒的方式。註:若你有聖經且想參考有關此主題的其他聖經經文,請查看以下經節:
箴言10章9節,10章32節,11章12節,13章3節,15章4、7節,16章21-24節,17章28節,18章7節;雅各書3章3-6節

ARE YOUR DEPOSITS EXCEEDING YOUR WITHDRAWALS?

By Robert J. Tamasy

Revenue and expenses. Credits and debits. Assets and liabilities. Deposits and withdrawals. Each of these terms is used in the business and professional world to measure what is commonly referred to as “the bottom line.” If you can keep your revenues ahead of your expenses, accumulate more credits than debits, and hold more assets than liabilities, your business is probably in good shape.

Deposits and withdrawals are typically utilized in banking terminology, but they also can be used in terms of relationships, whether in the home or the workplace. We each have what psychologists call an “emotional tank,” and when that “tank” is full, we feel contented and at ease; when the tank is depleted, we feel discontented and stressed.

There are numerous ways for making deposits into someone”s emotional storehouse, such as offering time and attention. Sometimes an appropriate, caring touch can be helpful, too. But one of the best methods for filling another person”s emotional tank is through the timely, careful use of words. However, ill-timed and carelessly spoken words can diminish emotional supplies just as easily.

I remember having bosses who did both. One had a knack for encouraging me, especially at times when I had failed to meet his and my own expectations. He always had a way of assuring me, “You will do better next time.” Another boss, however, rarely had anything positive to say to me. “If you don”t hear from me, just assume everything is all right,” he once said. The problem was that I did hear from him whenever things if not “all right.”

Everyone”s need for emotional support and affirmation is different, but we all appreciate positive words from time to time as we confront the negatives of everyday. In “Monday Mannas” past we have discussed the power and impact of the tongue – pro and con – and it is useful to periodically revisit this aspect of workplace relationships. In particular, consider some insights given to us by the timeless “business manual,” the Bible:

Build up instead of tearing down. Under pressure, it is always easier to find fault than to give commendation. But the mark of good leaders is being able to develop and build up those that report to them, equipping them for ever greater challenges. To succeed at that, we need to learn to “catch people doing something right.” “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).

Strive to encourage, not to dishearten. Years ago when I was being considered for a job with a non-profit organization, I was a relative novice. I lacked valuable experience, but the people assessing candidates viewed me as a “diamond in the rough,” someone with potential worth investing in. When I was hired, my superiors taught me and treated me from that perspective, and in time felt rewarded for their confidence. “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21).

Respond with kindness rather than anger. Faced with deadlines, or normal workday difficulties, we can thoughtlessly speak in harsh, hurtful ways to others. But by exerting patience and compassion, we can turn a tense situation into a positive, teachable moment. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

Robert J. Tamasy is vice president of communications for Leaders Legacy, Inc., a non-profit corporation based in Atlanta, Georgia, U.S.A. A veteran journalist for 40 years, he is the author of Tufting Legacies (iUniverse); Business At Its Best: Timeless Wisdom from Proverbs for Today”s Workplace (River City Press); and has coauthored with David A. Stoddard, The Heart of Mentoring (NavPress). For more information, see www.leaderslegacy.com or his blogs, www.bobtamasy.blogspot.com and www.bobtamasy.wordpress.com.

Reflection/Discussion Questions
Describe the state of your own “emotional tank” right now. Is it filled or nearly full, or is it dangerously depleted? Explain your answer. How good are you at assessing and depositing into the emotional reserves of others? Do you think this is something you should even be concerned about? Why or why not? Think of a time when you felt discouraged or deflated, whether at work or in your personal life, and someone”s well-chosen words gave you a lift? What was that situation, and how did it make you feel? Do you think it is possible to be too “brutally honest”? Think of a way of offering constructive criticism without causing serious damage to someone”s self-esteem. If you can think of a situation like that, tell how one approach can serve to encourage while another could dishearten the hearer.NOTE: If you have a Bible and would like to review additional passages that relate to this topic, consider the following verses: Proverbs 10:9, 10:32, 11:12, 13:3, 15:4,7, 16:21-24, 17:28, 18:7; James 3:3-6

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