兩個葬禮的故事
By Dr. Stephen R. Graves
幾個月前，同一個星期內，我們社區舉行了兩次葬禮。這兩個人我都認識，他們都很長壽，和社區居民之間關係也很好。我以為他們的葬禮會很相似，但我大錯特錯。
第一場葬禮就像我以往看到的那樣，是個令人印象深刻的生命禮讚慶典。這位長者所有的孩子和孫子都在場。我看到他所有的孩子都已經成為具有影響力和有獨特個性的人。他們與彼此及其各自的社區之間有良好(非完美)的關係。在葬禮上，他的幾個孫兒談到了他們從祖父那裡學到的東西以及對他的回憶。他們反覆地說： 「我記得當爺爺……」顯然這位長者在他的一生中影響了好幾代的人。
不僅僅是家人而已。也有其中一個兒子公司的幾位高級主管從東岸飛來參加葬禮。數百名親戚朋友站滿了房間。我很驚訝他的生命感動過這麼多人。
大聯盟的棒球運動員，同時也是幽默大師的尤吉．貝拉(Yogi Berra)曾開玩笑說：「你應該常常去參加其他人的葬禮，否則他們不會來參加你的葬禮。」這當然不是我慶幸自己參加了這場葬禮的原因。我感到慶幸，因為參加這種葬禮會讓你覺得「我也希望自己的葬禮是這樣」。當然，這位長者的葬禮如此感人，正是因為他的生命如此動人。
同一個星期晚些時候，我出席了另一場葬禮。參加的人不到十位。他們不得不聘請牧師來，因為沒有牧師和他親近到能主持葬禮。
第二個葬禮的主人過去30年間並非過著離群索居的生活。他的生活非常充實，但最後卻沒有人來參加他的葬禮。為什麼？因為他的生活充滿了錯誤的事物。他的生活是自我滿足的，幾乎全被物質的東西充滿，卻沒有與人建立健康的關係或帶給人正面的影響。
我以為這兩個葬禮會是一樣的，但卻是完全相反。
紐約時報的專欄作家和新聞評論員大衛．布魯克斯(David Brooks)更加簡潔地描述了這一點，他說我們的文化崇尚歌功頌德「履歷表式的德行」，但我們需要在自己的生活中尋求「追悼詞式的德行」。也許他在寫這篇文章之前剛參加過葬禮。(註1)
葬禮讓我們放慢腳步，思考人生的短暫以及我們生命的優先順序；葬禮也讓我們去思考永恆與神聖；同時，葬禮也能讓我們脫離日常例行事務和生命的喧囂，重新思考生命是否按照我們想要的方式進行。葬禮讓我們紀念人超過事物和活動，也讓我們能回顧過去，而這麼做往往能幫助我們前瞻未來。
也許這就是為什麼傳道書上寫道：「往遭喪的家去，強如往宴樂的家去；因為死是眾人的結局，活人也必將這事放在心上。」（傳道書7 章2節）
我當然知道死亡有令人悲傷甚至震驚的一面。但如果你有機會看到一個生命美善結束的慶典，好好把握吧！
註1:David Brooks 為這本書寫的文章 The Moral Bucket List 。此文以 resume virtues 與eulogy virtues 作對比–前者描述你在職場的成就；後者是人家在你喪禮給你最後的評價。此書台灣沒有出版中文版。
史帝芬R. 格里夫氏博士(Dr. Stephen R. Graves)把自己描述為組織戰略家、實用神學家和社會資本家。他為高級主管、企業主以及年輕企業家提供諮詢服務。同時也是眾多書籍、文章的作者，和一位大眾演說家。他的網站是www.stephenrgraves.com。
反省與問題討論
你上一次參加葬禮是什麼時候？對葬禮期間發生的事情你有甚麼印象？ 文章中，作者描述了在同一個社區舉行的兩場葬禮，它們對人的影響似乎非常不同。你會如何解釋它們之間的差異？ 你有沒有想過自己的葬禮或追悼會是如何？那是你希望的模樣嗎？如果不是，根據這篇週一嗎哪的討論，你可以如何改變這個狀況？ 「履歷表式的德行」和「追悼詞式的德行」之間有什麼區別？這些是自然而然發生的，還是特意造成的？
備註：如果你手上有聖經，希望閱讀更多和這個主題有關的信息，請參考下面的經文：
詩篇90篇12節
90:12 求你指教我們怎樣數算自己的日子，好叫我們得著智慧的心。
傳道書2章16、24節
2:16 智慧人和愚昧人一樣，永遠無人記念，因為日後都被忘記；可歎智慧人死亡，與愚昧人無異。
2:24 人莫強如吃喝，且在勞碌中享福，我看這也是出於 神的手。
傳道書5章10-15節
5:10 貪愛銀子的，不因得銀子知足；貪愛豐富的，也不因得利益知足。這也是虛空。
5:11 貨物增添，吃的人也增添，物主得甚麼益處呢？不過眼看而已！
5:12 勞碌的人不拘吃多吃少，睡得香甜；富足人的豐滿卻不容他睡覺。
5:13 我見日光之下有一宗大禍患，就是財主積存資財，反害自己。
5:14 因遭遇禍患，這些資財就消滅；那人若生了兒子，手裏也一無所有。
5:15 他怎樣從母胎赤身而來，也必照樣赤身而去；他所勞碌得來的，手中分毫不能帶去。
傳道書7章1-4節
7:1 名譽強如美好的膏油；人死的日子勝過人生的日子。
7:2 往遭喪的家去，強如往宴樂的家去；因為死是眾人的結局，活人也必將這事放在心上。
7:3 憂愁強如喜笑；因為面帶愁容，終必使心喜樂。
7:4 智慧人的心在遭喪之家；愚昧人的心在快樂之家。
羅馬書6章19-23節
6:19 我因你們肉體的軟弱，就照人的常話對你們說。你們從前怎樣將肢體獻給不潔不法作奴僕，以至於不法；現今也要照樣將肢體獻給義作奴僕，以至於成聖。
6:20 因為你們作罪之奴僕的時候，就不被義約束了。
6:21 你們現今所看為羞恥的事，當日有甚麼果子呢？那些事的結局就是死。
6:22 但現今，你們既從罪裏得了釋放，作了 神的奴僕，就有成聖的果子，那結局就是永生。
6:23 因為罪的工價乃是死；惟有 神的恩賜，在我們的主基督耶穌裏，乃是永生。
A TALE OF TWO FUNERALS
By Dr. Stephen R. Graves
A few months back, two funerals occurred in the same week in our community. Both were for men I knew who had lived a long life and had great community reach. I assumed the funerals would be pretty similar. I could not have been more wrong.
The first funeral was as impressive a celebration of life as I have seen in a long time. All of the man”s children and grandchildren were present. I realized all of his kids had become individuals of impact and character in their own right. They have good relationships (not perfect) with each other and their respective communities. Several of his grandchildren spoke about what they had learned from their grandfather and memories of him. “I remember when Grandpa …” was said countless times. He clearly had impacted multiple generations during his life.
But it was not just family. Several executives representing the company of one of the sons flew in from the East Coast for the funeral. The room was filled with standing room-only with hundreds of friends and relatives. I was amazed at how many people his life had clearly touched.
Major-league baseball player and sometimes humorist Yogi Berra joked, “You should always go to other people”s funerals or they won”t come to yours.” That was not why I was glad I went, however. I was glad because it was the kind of funeral that makes you think, “Iwant my funeral to look like this.” Of course, his funeral looked like that because his life had looked like that.
Later that week, I checked in on the other funeral. It turned out that fewer than 10 people came. They had to hire a preacher since no preacher was close enough to the man to offer up his services.
It was not like the man had spent his past 30 years off the grid. He had a very full life, but it led to an empty funeral. Why? Because his life was full of the wrong things. His life was self-absorbed, full of mostly stuff and material things, not healthy relationships and positive influence.
I thought the funerals would be the same, but they were complete opposites.
New York Times columnist and news commentator David Brooks described this more succinctly, stating our culture honors “resume virtues,” but we need to seek “eulogy virtues” in our own lives. Maybe he had attended a funeral just before he wrote that.
Funerals have a way of making us slow down and ponder the brevity of life – and our priorities for life. They make us think toward the eternal and the Divine. They cause us to cut through the routines and noise of life to contemplate whether life is going the way we want. They make us celebrate people above things and activities. They make us look back, which can often help us look forward.
Perhaps that”s why the book of Ecclesiastes says, “It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting, since that is the end of all mankind, and the living should take it to heart” (Ecclesiastes 7:2).
I certainly understand that death has a sad and even shocking side to it. But if you get a chance to watch a celebration of a life done well, take it in.
Dr. Stephen R. Graves describes himself as an organizational strategist, pragmatic theologian, and social capitalist. He advises executives and business owners, as well as young entrepreneurs. He is author of numerous books and many articles, and a public speaker. His website is www.stephenrgraves.com.
Reflection/Discussion Questions
When was the last time you attended a funeral? What were your impressions of what transpired during that service? Mr. Graves describes two funeral ceremonies conducted in the same community, but their impact seemed very different. How would you explain the differences between them? Have you ever contemplated what your own funeral or memorial service might be like one day? Is that how you would like it to be? If not, in light of the discussion in this “Monday Manna,” how could you go about changing that? What is the difference between “resume virtues” and “eulogy virtues”? Do these occur naturally, or are they established through intentionality?
NOTE: If you have a Bible and would like to read more about this topic, consider the following passages: Psalm 90:12; Ecclesiastes 2:16,24, 5:10-15, 7:1-4; Romans 6:19-23
